Be Lightning

Oh wow, it is September and we are heading towards the end of 2019. What have you achieved? Did you get your dream job? have you started a new career? learned something new about your self? Did you meet the love of your life? Attained your fitness goals.

Well for me it feels like I decided to close my eyes and Jump. I moved to Amsterdam a city I have never been and I do not know anyone here. The decision to move of course did not make everyone happy. Not everyone has the same desire to travel, see the world and go on an adventure. So either dance with me or I dance alone. I have lived in various countries different cities, met many people and what a difference it made to how I see and experience the world now. Not everything about the journey and process of immersing yourself to a new culture and country is positive. There is a struggle, the biggest is you always deeply miss the people you left behind.

My big move got me asking myself the question what marks our time here? More specifically what will mark my time? Is it as ambitious as changing the world or maybe it is to get that feeling in the lyric “I lived” by One Republic but perhaps the Glee version.

So I decided that in this life time I want to be as many things as I possibly can. I want to have a final fantasy wedding , be a mother and name my kids Alphinaud and Alisaie, be a travel blogger, an author, be a leader of guild, have some fun with cosplay, invent my own neural network architecture, live in Amsterdam then move to San Francisco. Therefore I know living an ordinary life would suffocate me.

To live a life that is not ordinary you make sacrifices and experience failures. It is non-linear filled with uncertainty. As long as you backprop those errors you will experience real growth . We all know that the best stories ever told are the ones about characters who went through struggles, over came them and became happy.

I want to be that strong female character like Claire Farron, a warrior with flaws who didn’t accept life’s limits, determined and concentrated. The female protagonist that lived a fulfilling life made mistakes and forgive herself. A life that alters a life of color.

My journey like most jrpg protagonist has not been an easy one but the struggle was necessary. I am forever thankful that a stranger showed me kindness in the time I most needed it. That I found love when the shadows felt too heavy.

So in this lifetime I choose to be everything that I already am, all that I have mentioned above that has and is still to come and I choose to be kind. Anything but an ordinary life.

My final thought is. If you are feeling like you have not done much in 2019 challenge yourself to do something that scares you.

Maybe we’d fall short. Maybe we’d never even come close. But someone, someday, would know we’d tried.

Vanille FF XIII

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